Suffering
by ruiiko
Summary: I'm sorry, Miku. I didn't realize how much you were suffering. I didn't know you were so sad. I wish I could have known, so I could have helped you. I'm so sorry.


**Late night inspiration! So, this is kinda sad, so bear with me here... but anyways. Gumi x Miku is another one of my favorite ships. I didn't really wanna use Miku and Luka for this (though i did have thoughts about it) because I'd rather see them in happy situations... but yeah. This was orginally gunna be alot more sadder and tragic, but there is a happy ending, though this is rather dark. so yeah... enjoy and review!**

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Gumi sat silently with a pale face. Her mind was blank. She felt as if her whole world had stopped, like time had just stopped. Her breathe was caught in her throat—it hurt to breathe right now. She clutched her sides tightly, feeling as though if she were to let go of herself, she would completely fall apart.

Not that it mattered though, seeing as her world really had fallen apart already.

People were rushing all around, but Gumi took no notice. The faint screaming of nurses ordering eachother around coud be heard, along with bed wheels squeeling against the marbel floors, but they were far off. Gumi's mind was heavy, all she could hear was everything that went wrong.

Her mind wouldn't stop replaying when her mother had walked into her room at 7 in the evening, with a solemn expression on her face, which worried Gumi. Her mom usually wasn't like this. Then, to be informed that her best friend, Miku, had been found in her bathroom, bleeding out. Since then, Gumi hasn't been able to move.

Miku had been transported to the hospital shortly after being found, and here they were now.

'_Gumi...' _

_Gumi looked up from the book she was reading, comfortably wrapped in blankets and pillows. "Hm?"_

"_...Your friend was found in the bathroom, and..." She tensed up, as she put a hand to her mouth, suddenly choking up. Gumi sat up straight, setting her book down._

"_Mom?" She wondered._

"_How do I put this..." Her mother choked out. She then looked up again to look at Gumi. "Miku's... well, Miku attempted suicide. She was found in the bathtub cut up, and..."_

_Gumi froze then, her eyes widening._

Nothing else mattered from then on out. Gumi squeezed her eyes shut, then. She didn't understand. What had drove her to do such a thing? Miku was always so happy... it just didn't make sense. Gumi didn't even know just how much pain Miku was in. How long had she been this sad, that she'd want to end her own life? If only Gumi had known, she could have helped her...!

Gumi felt a hand on her shoulder then, and was immediately snapped out of it. She looked up, to see her brother, Gakupo, with a sympathetic—or rather, almost, mournfull smile. 'Hey."

Gumi looked back down, not finding the strength to say anything. She felt so horrible.

Gakupo took a seat next to her. "Are you okay?"

Gumi's vision snapped up to him, and suddenly felt angered. Did she look okay? Her best friend had just tried to kill herself! "How can you ask that?" She asked quietly, her eyes filled with horror and shock. "My best friend tried to kill herself. Would you be okay? Cause I'm sure not... I didn't even know she was...!" Gumi started to choke up then, feeling tears resurface. "If I had only known, I could have...!" She tried to talk, as she angrily wipped tears from her eyes.

Gakupo's mouth formed a straight line, before letting out a sigh. He put a hand on Gumi's knee then, rubbing supportively. "You know you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

Gumi looked up to him again, her face completely red, eyes blood shot. "It is though! I could have helped her! I didn't even ask her if she was okay all the time! And now, we're here, and she's..." Gumi swallowed, biting down on her tongue. She didn't want to put a curse on anything by saying that Miku was dying. She didn't know that. It was a grim thought, and right now, everything was unclear, and even if Gumi couldn't even keep herself from crying, she had to stay atleast someone strong.

For Miku's sake.

The truth is, Gumi has always really liked Miku. In a way, she felt like she was responsible for Miku's attempt at suicide. There were two ways it was possible Miku was driven to do this to herself—either she had found out about Gumi's crush on her, and took it in the worst way possible, or Gumi hadn't told her. Either option were quite ridiculous, but right now, that's all Gumi could think of.

Maybe, if she had told Miku how she felt sooner, that could have saved her?

Gumi supposed the first option was pretty stupid afterall—she hadn't told anyone how she felt about Miku. Not even her brother, even knowing how supportive he would have been for her either way, and how accepting he was. She was pretty sure her crush didn't show too much around Miku, either.

'It's all my fault." Gumi repeated again. She just felt weak now. She could feel her energy slipping from her, as she came down from her high of mixed emotions of anger and sadness.

"Oh, Gumi..." Gakupo sighed, as he felt his little sister lean her head against his shoulder. All he could do right now was be there for her, until the doctor came out to give some sort of update on Miku's condition.

Taking in a deep breathe, Gumi felt her eyelids blinking heavily. She was tired, so tired. But she didn't want to sleep. She couldn't allow herself too. But, she couldn't control it. Her eyelids gave out, and she felt herself slipping into a state of light sleep.

Memories played over in her mind.

Good ones, bad ones, above all.

'_Miku, what happend to your legs?' Gumi asked one day, looking in shock to find what looked like cuts and scratches running wickedly everywhere. She glanced up to look into Miku's flustered face, eyes wide with horror._

"_Nothing! Just cat scratches." She coughed._

_Gumi raised her eyebrows. 'Are you sure?' She asked with concern lacing her voice._

"_Yep!" Mikusmiled weakly for a moment, but one Gumi turned to look at her again, she was wearing a big grin. She then quickly changed the subject._

_But while Miku then blabbed on, Gumi kept her gaze on Miku's legs. Surely, her cat couldn't have been that aggressive... _

Gumi woke up suddenly, with a large gasp. She looked around, to find herself still in the hospital. She could feel the weight of Gakupo's head leaning against hers, and she quickly shot her head off, knocking their heads together. He woke up with a slight gasp then, looking down at the panicing Gumi. "Are you okay?"

Gumi exploded into tears then, and hid her face in his shoulder. "It really is all my fault!" She cried. There were some signs that Miku was suffering. Gumi just didn't see them clearly enough. She hadn't cared enough. She should have pushed further, to make sure Miku was okay. She should have called Miku before she did what she did, to make sure she was okay. She should have visited her, or hung out with her, or forced a sleepover at Miku's, so she couldn't do anything. But no. She did nothing. She believed Miku, when she said she was okay.

Throughout all the crying and hugging, the doctor walked in then. He cleared his throat, earning the attention of Gumi, who's gaze quickly snapped over to his. He had a grim look on his face, as he flipped through his notes. "I'm assuming you are Gumi... correct? Miku's best friend?" He asked.

She rose to her feet, as did Gakupo, keeping a hand on Gumi's shoulder for support. "Yes. How is she? Is she okay?" She asked, breaking free of Gakupo's gentle touch, moving closer to the doctor.

"She mentioned you." He coughed. Gumi's eyes lit up. "She's okay?" She wondered, feeling tears come to her eyes.

The doctor was silent for a moment, continueing to flip through his notes. He then looked up at her again, and with a hesitant and shaky voice, he commented, "Well... for now, it looks that way." That was all Gumi needed. She didn't even need to hear the rest of what he was saying. She rushed past him, ignoring the calls from her brother and the doctor. She felt a smile come to her face, as tears flew from her eyes, rushing to her room. She slammed the doors open, finding Miku in bed, hooked up to an oxygen machine. Her wrists and legs were all bandaged up, and she had an IV in her arm. Her face was as pale as Gumi's was.

"Miku!" Gumi cried out, and rushed to her side. She weakly rolled her head to the side, and a smile came to her face. Tears rolled off her cheek. "Gumi..."

Gumi could barely contain her cries. She grabbed at Miku's hand greedily, putting it to her lips, crying into it, which earned a wince from Miku. "Careful, careful," She warned, and Gumi looked up, loosening her grip on her hand. "I'm sorry, i'm just so glad you're okay!"

Miku was still smiling. "Why'd you do it?" Gumi wondered.

She shook her head then, closing her eyes. "I don't know. But I've had enough." Gumi looked up again, a look of horror struck against her face. Miku was still here, sure, but she was still in a sad state of mind. She looked over her body, covered in bandages. She was still bleeding through some of the bandages, however, and all Gumi could feel was sadness. She looked so fragile...

"The doctors said my parents were lucky, when they found me. I lost so much blood, and yet somehow, I'm still here." She continued weakly. She paused then, before piping up, with a sincere smile. A small smile at that, but a smile none the less. "I'm glad I got to see you, though." She then reached out to stroke her hand against Gumi's cheek. Gumi grabbed at it then, holding it in its place.

"Miku," She breathed. "I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you. I should have realised just how sad you were. I could have helped you." She begged. Miku was still smiling, as she shook her head.

"Don't be sorry. There was nothing you could have done."

Gumi shook her head. "Please don't think like that, Miku... you're my best friend. I don't want to loose you," She begged more. She could feel her insides turning. She felt sick then, knowing that something more than a friendship feeling for Miku lied inside of her. What an awful feeling.

Miku let out a weak laugh. "I know, Gumi. And I'll miss you too. But we all have to let go of someone we care about someday, right? If I die, it's just a part of nature. Life goes on, Gumi. Maybe we'll meet again someday."

Gumi couldn't believe this was all coming from Miku. It broke her head. 'No... it wouldn't. Because, you are my life. If you're gone, then so am I." She lowered her head, looking away from Miku. She felt pretty pathetic for saying that on Miku's deathbed. If she had only told her sooner, then maybe Miku wouldn't have wanted to die so badly.

Miku was curious, however. She shifted upright as much as she could without making herself bleed more, as her wounds were still rather fresh. "What do you mean?"

Gumi looked up then, her face bright red. 'What?" She wondered.

"What do you mean, 'you are my life'?" Miku asked.

Gumi swallowed then, as she let out a nervous laugh. "That's exactly what I mean. It's exactly what it sounds like. You are my life,' She looked down then, knowing she couldn't hide this forever. If it meant telling miku on the verge of dying, as pathetic as it was, Gumi supposed now would be a good time to tell her. "And by saying that, I guess I really mean... I love you." Gumi looked away then.

Miku was silent.

The whole room was silent.

Gumi looked up again, expecting to see a look of disgust plastered against Miku's face. 'I'm sorry," She breathed, but upon looking up, a rather shocked, and curious look showed on her face. Then, she broke into a smile. It had to be the most genuine smile Gumi had seen since entering this room. Miku actually looked happy! Gumi felt tears come to her eyes again, as a smile then came to her face as well. Miku then broke into a laugh, and soon enough, the whole room was filled with laughter.

It settled down after a moment, and Miku was staring into Gumi's eyes. "Come here," She tempted, and Gumi stood up, leaning over the bed railing. Their lips met then.

After a moment, they pulled away, and Gumi sat down. "Please... will you live for me?" She asked. "I don't want to loose you..."

Miku looked happier. She nodded then, tears hanging from her lashes. "Yes, Gumi." She whispered. She paused then, looking down. In a quiet voice, she then said, "I'm sorry for putting you through all this... I'm such a terrible friend."

Gumi shook her head, standing up again to pull Miku into a gentle hug. "Don't be. It'll be okay."

Miku hugged her back.

It was going to be a long road to recovery, but now with a new outlook on life with Gumi, she felt better. Gumi was right. She was going to be okay.

It was going to be okay.


End file.
